Do you talk dirty non-stop when you’re with your partner?

No. There are a few reasons for that.

Firstly, this is a fantasy – it’s an invitation to indulge in some audio filth which wouldn’t work if I didn’t say anything! Dirty talk is necessary but I try and make it inclusive and empowering as well. Secondly, it’s a performance. It’s not real life; it’s a creative endeavour aimed to stimulate and inspire, but it’s certainly an attempt at artistic expression as much as everything else. Thirdly, I’m British! We’re notoriously prudish. Doing this helps me to break out of my mould, as I think we all should when the time is right. It allows me to re-define myself and let loose in an anonymous, albeit public way.

There’s more to it than that, though. In real life, ideal relationships are mutual.

My ideal partner – still out there, somewhere – wouldn’t want to hear me babbling on during sex, but would just appreciate the expression and liberty of being somebody open to throwing in a few dirty remarks and filthy questions from time to time.

In turn, I’d love to hear my partner tell me what they like, and enjoy engaging with me on that level, but most of all, there would be an unsaid connection; a joining of spirits and a synchronising of souls that would transcend words and bring about the most mind-blowing orgasm of all. Or something.