What are your opinions on online/internet relationships?

I think they’re great. I’m a fan of any connection. The internet is a fantastic way to cross paths with somebody who, not so long ago, you’d never have known existed. It’s a brilliant example of the way that our human progress is bringing us opportunities.

At the risk of sounding like your dad, it’s also something to appreciate within context. Why do you think we have five senses? They are what helps us identify what’s real. You can’t smell an online profile. You can’t hold and kiss a jpg. You can’t hear a kik chat say your name and feel the love in their voice.

So, as with all things, recognise the value within the context it comes to you. And, if you’re brave enough – because it can be a big ask to make this step – try to introduce more offline into your online relationships over time. You might be restricted by distance, but what’s real can be powerful, and what’s powerful finds ways to bridge seemingly insurmountable hurdles.

And sometimes it can’t, and that’s OK too. It’s good to know.

So yeah – enjoy it for what it is, because what it is, is fantastic. But guard your heart always, don’t be afraid to test what you’re afraid may be too good to be true, and know that your worth comes from your own innate amazingness and isn’t dependent on ‘Joe, 22, from Chicago’ liking that picture you always hoped somebody would appreciate.

You’ve always been as pretty as you secretly hope.

What type of person are you looking for in a relationship?

In my ideal relationship, there’d be a synergy; a coming together of energies that would combine in the most perfectly wonderful and compatible way. That’s to say, I’m not looking for somebody in order to tick a box, or for personal gain. I’m hoping to give as much as get, knowing that my partner will be of like mind, and that together we match through an implicit understanding, and a spilling over of self-interest. Me becomes we, and our affection manifests in a merger of identity, not via co-dependency, but through a deep and profound sense of love, and a spirit of giving, caring and protection.

Would you like specifics?

My love and I would leave each other treats, to be found through riddles in post-it notes placed randomly around our home. We’d wake to find the other’s fingers softly running through the other’s hair, waking them with a smile that says ‘I love you more today than I ever have’. When one of us needs space that’s totally cool – the other understands and respects our time alone, but they rarely leave our thoughts.

We’ll marathon through Orange Is The New Black, stopping only to order more pizza. We’ll pour over maps of the world and plan adventures or simply dream together of a life out of reach. We communicate through a squeeze of a hand or a kiss on the forehead, and we both know exactly what that means.

We’ll dance together, to our favourite music, turned up to maximum. We’ll drink, knowing no matter how much we embarrass ourselves, we’re loved. We’ll fuck for hours, and often, giving and receiving in ways in which we lose ourselves to orgasm after orgasm, whether it’s sweet and tender or rough and primal.

When life deals us blows, we’ll be there for each other unconditionally. When life deals us triumphs, we’ll revel in each other’s success. We’ll talk about cats, and babies; about raising a family together, and inside we’ll both hope for our unborn that they have a parent as amazing as this.

There’s no point at which things get so difficult we’re no longer prepared to sacrifice for each other; this is it for us – pure commitment. And if the time should come that our paths go in different directions, we’ll kiss through our tears and always be thankful for what we’ve meant to each other.

I’m a single man. I haven’t yet found my love, and I’ve not spent a great deal of time trying. But as I write these words, there’s a certain ache in my heart, and my bed looks empty. Who knows what the future might bring, for us all.