Assuming you’re straight, do you feel awkward doing gay audios?

I don’t feel awkward making any audios.

I try and cater for everybody by being varied in what I record, but mainly, I approach sexuality as something we all share and experience in different ways. There aren’t ‘heteros’ and ‘homos’, there are only ‘humans’, and the way our sexuality is manifested in different ways is just a beautiful example of how interesting and wonderful we are as a species.

I enjoy having fun and exploring every consensual sexual expression through my audios, and only plan to continue doing so.

I won’t feel awkward making any of them because the beauty and wonder of humanity transcends specifics, and that’s my level. I align with, accept and appreciate those of all sexualities, gender types and variations, and this blog doesn’t recognise the notion of being ‘awkward’ around any.

You worry about the categorisation, and I’ll worry about the orgasms 🙂

How am I able to be open in not only trusting men but also people?

Full question: “In my last relationship I thought my fiancé was “the one.” We had been together for 4 years and 6 months before we were supposed to get married I had found out he had been cheating on me for a year. I am trying to get out into dating but I am too afraid to trust men again. How am I able to move on and be open in not only trusting men but also people?

 

Firstly, I’m genuinely sorry you went through such an experience.

Sadly, there are people in all groups who aren’t developed enough to treat others with respect. No single experience with one person reflects on others in that group, and I’m glad you’ve not let him stop you from believing that others can be trusted, although I appreciate how hard that is now.

‘Moving on’ isn’t something you decide to do, it’s a gradual process that takes place over time, and one day you’ll realise you’re in a different place. Try to place the anxiety of ‘putting this behind you’ to one side, and surround yourself with positive people – friends who are supportive, encouraging, edifying and uplifting.

Let them hold your hand for a while. That’s not weakness, that’s friendship.

There’s no easy way around this – trust means being open and letting part of yourself become vulnerable. My best advice would be to do that in stages, a little bit at a time, and be aware of how that’s handled by whoever it is. Remember, the most crucial belief you have is in yourself.

You’re a strong, beautiful person independent of anybody else, so if somebody mistreats you, fall back on that and you’ll be OK, even if it might hurt for a while.

Lots of love x

What’s your take on the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing?

It’s for everybody to decide what level of friendship they want with each friend in their life, so I don’t have any fixed ‘position’ on this one.

What I would say is that true friendship is such a spectacular gift, and so rare. To have a friend who genuinely has your back; who sees you through when others see you’re through; who will be candid but committed, considerate but constructive, is an amazing thing to experience.

Introducing sex into friendship may not be much of a ‘benefit’ at all. I’ve been in a friendship that became sexual and we both soon yearned for the days we could just hang out without a sexual dynamic; that we could hold hands simply because we valued each other without wondering if the other wanted to take it to the bedroom.

Some days, many of us hope we’ll find real friends in our lives, almost as if the friends we have right now are the temporary ones until our proper friends arrive later in life, and we miss the elephant in the room: the people you know right now?

They’re it. That’s who you have, at least during this chapter.

Friendship is such a powerful commitment, and it’s worth investing in and protecting. My concern would be that casual sex would either de-value or destabilise the dynamic more than the temporary physical buzz is worth.

In a nutshell: you can be an amazing, uplifting, positive and beautiful part of the lives of those around you, and they can be that way in your life.

So cherish your immediate company. Celebrate it by fostering something that’s special. Start today by telling somebody you know how grateful you are for all the good things about them you get to see.

The results may just bring you more pleasure than an occasional orgasm ever could.